Speechless

I learned today that a friend committed suicide almost a month ago.  I can't believe something like that can happen, and I can go a month without knowing.  Randy and I would call each other a couple times a month and chit chat.  We sent emails and chatted online, and got together when we could find time to do so.  We spoke last on November 6th.  He called me on my cell and we chatted for over an hour.  I always enjoyed talking to Randy. He had a good perspective and always spoke the truth in love.  He had a warm smile, quick laugh, and generous spirit.  He was headed for Ft. Lauderdale over Thanksgiving and was going to be busy before and after.  I'd been pretty busy too, so it was not unusual that we had not caught up with each other.  Last week I started trying to get in touch and thought it was strange that I had not heard from him.  Today when I Googled him looking for his work number I was knocked speechless when the first hit with his name on Google was his obituary dated November 9.  He died just three days after we last talked.  We had a great conversation...what happened in three days time that he would kill himself?  At this moment my gut is aching and my heart is breaking.  I don't know what happened buddy.  I'm sorry that I didn't know.  I'm sorry that I missed something when we were talking.  I'm sorry that I won't see and talk to you again in this life.  I love you, bud.